what the closet yields...

the glamour dress :)

life in the closet

glamour?  not so much when you're behind the doors of the crazy, hectic, CRAZY fashion closet.  although its fabulous to play with (more like transfer from rack to garment bag and back again) stella McCartney swimwear,  john paul gaultier gowns, max azria pieces and the works its nonetheless stressful and fastpaced does not even begin to describe my day to day.  12 hours on the first day didn't even seem like enough time to play the "catch up" game, and indeed it wasn't.  12hrs in and i realized, wow we still have a million unfinished things to do in the morning.  one 20 minute lunch break around 2 and a sushi and edimame dinner after 9pm on the fashion closet floor later and we still weren't quite ready to leave.  20 more minutes guys and we'll head out, k?  luckily im working with wonderful women who arent all that devil/prada-y.  believe me, they know fashion.  i had a lucky first day being that the giveaway rack that had been building over the last..hmm ... don't know how many days exactly...was finally ready to be dispersed.  12 pieces of crumpled paper were on the floor and what number did i draw?  2.  fabulous.  i stole a great express dress valued at $150 :)  score!!  as if it wasn't enough, one of my fabulous supervisors yells out guys, after everyone picks something just take everything else.  whatever you want, please take it!  didn't have to tell me twice.  needless to say i walked home, albeit exhausted after seemingly endless hours worked, happily with 2 bags in tow full to the top with clothes and shoes and even a michael kors makeup bag for kicks.  a fabulous end to my first day.  cheers to more glam perks.....they make up for the whole working-my-ass-off-for-free thing.

enjoy the riiiiide

everytime im about to face the work, there comes a moment when i have to remind myself to just take it all in a day at a time...and most importantly, ENJOY.  every day brings the opportunity for new.  new everything.  how fabulous is that?  every new person i meet, is a new opportunity to be someone different.  im heading back to the big city and this time, i vow to enjoy the ride minute by minute, if not by the second.  there's so much to learn and see this semester before the big job, and 09 is the year to change it AAAALL up....here's to enjoying the new life...cheers!

facing the change

what can be worse than facing an inevitable change you never asked for in the first place?  as humans, it seems the only thing scarier than speaking in public or death is facing change.  change never seems to be welcomed or wanted, as a matter of fact.  can it be that we hang on to tradition and habit to mask our fear of the unknown?  does that always play out in all aspects of our lives?  relationships, jobs, friends...do we stick to these because they make us happy and fulfilled, or just for the sake of familiarity?  we hold on so dearly to relationships and situations that are just no good for us and despite the harm, we don't let go for fear of the change that would immediately occur.  some of us do let go and when the choice is yours, coping with the change is thrilling and liberating...when the choice isn't yours...  well thats when you hit a rough patch.  getting up, doing something, facing the change head on - THAT takes a ton of guts.  i admire people who change so freely.  i yearn to be like them deep down inside.  hence the reason why i throw away things and try not to value possessions for memory sake.  its also the reason why i challenge myself - if it seems incredibly hard to do, subconsciously im always drawn to it.  move away from home?  hmm, scary...i'll do it!  its just the way i am, its in my nature to try to overcome fear.  after all, theres nothing to fear but fear itself, right? wrong.  turns out change is something big & huge that can also be feared.  im not ready for the change, and speaking those words aloud (or writing them..) feels like giving up all together, which i never intend to do.  but it is scary and on this rollercoaster of a ride im on, one moment i feel high and the next i feel low.  its those pesky memories and deep thoughts that continue to surface.  memories of how things used to be, how i thought i knew i could count on them to continue to be...  now that that security blanket of familiarity has been ripped from underneath me, i feel the winds of change veeeery strongly and it feels less than stellar.  so how then do we face an inevitable change we didn't ask for?  sounds like 2+2=.... sure, you could answer that you simply keep moving forward, you don't think about whats lost or could've been, you stay healthy and strong, etc.  but is it really that simple?  the awful truth is theres an element missing that everyone must conclude on their own in order to truly heal and face the change.  truth is, im still figuring it out.  for now my answer is pray for strength, meditate on healing, find an outlet (writing this blog..), and remember the world is mine.  this year i have no resolution.  i simply have aspirations and goals that carry on much longer than the span of 12 months...ongoing resolutions, i suppose.  i want to face the change this year with every ounce of my being.   i want to find a love i can really devote myself to, like writing.  i want to nurture the true loves in my life, the constants, the always that i know won't leave.  i want to grow and with this change i want to find the happiness that is suppressed somewhere deep down inside me.  there's something strangely miserable and scary about change that yields, oddly enough, the exact opposite.  it yields strength, power and amazing resilience...thats what i really want.