shrink me

so its been a very long month since my last post. lots of ups and [mostly] downs since then. disasters between the parents and they have left me, oh,
tired...drained...angry...sad...devastated. pretty much any negative feeling you can name. we agreed to, really, only one thing: we need help. "professional help," as in therapy. initially im thinking FINE whatever it takes to prove you're crazy and im not, however after my first session (today) im starting to realize i hate being so vulnerable with a complete stranger. one who has no interest in taking sides, but rather exposes TRUTHS. some truths i like, most i hate. for example: "maybe you need to find some sort of closure for your past relationship. acknowledge that it still hurts." EWW. kleenex box, watery eyes. hate it. other truths: "you are still living in their house, you're technically not an adult." you get the point.. i dont want to feel the pain, its repressed for a reason: its the only way i could move on. could it be that i really need to feel the torturous pain again & cry my eyes out in order to truly heal?? if thats the case, SUCKS. i would rather be stabbed. multiple times. while having my nails ripped off. but, thats what she suggests i do. draw something, write something, make something that symbolizes the demise of a truly important relationship in my life. i walked away, i thought that was enough recognition. apparently not. mid water works i got a 5 minute warning that times almost up & we'll have to continue next time. nice, i was left to sit in a pot of emotions for the rest of the day...forced to tune myself into painful thoughts, and feelings of inadequacy toward my family. this therapy business is so not my thing. MASSAGE therapy, now we're talkin..