time for time

I have come to a new resolution, oddly, at the end of the year. I have resolved not to spend every late night stuck behind my desk at the office.

what gives our lives meaning? what makes us happy and provides us TRUE satisfaction and fulfilment? ultimately i've come to realize, through my own painful experience, that a job is just a job. your pay doesn't determine how richly you live, and the stress you allow to dominate you is...BY...CHOICE. the beautiful thing is, we can choose how much stress we have, how much money, how much free time, how many friends and how much fun we have. it's, simultaneously, quite scary. many people mismanage this gift, but i'm slowly coming around and figuring out what works for ME. what makes me happy, and what really, REALLY doesnt.

getting off work this week, for example, no later than 7:45 (which, believe me, is EARLY for a fashion assistant) has given me so much more satisfaction and fulfilment than any other night in my 3 months of working late in PR ever provided me. even the nights when i stayed until 11:30 or 12 never seemed to let me walk away feeling accomplished- even though i probably did way more than i've done this last week. strangely enough, i walk away feeling more accomplished when i leave by 8 than any other time. i feel in control by letting go. sometimes all we can do is accept that we're only human and can only work so many hours and do so much in ONE short day. days are short. do i want to spend each and everyone stressing like a crazy person and not enjoying MY life? no! i want to work hard when it's time to work hard, and play and relax when it's time to let go.

tonight i got home by 8:15. i had a glass of wine and a sandwich, watched half an hour of tv, went for a run, enjoyed the BEAUTIFUL cool fall weather and walked twenty blocks home. walked, not ran, because i need these moments. i need to breathe deeply, gaze up at the stars and tall buildings i love so much, watch the people around me and feel connected in the thread that runs through us all- we're alive. we're doing, and being and sometimes if you take a second to slow down and watch others, you realize we're all exactly the same.

as i sit here on my fire escape with my big hoodie sweater, blanket, and glass of wine i wonder, how can i enjoy these moments even more? I don't want these nights to slip through my fingers in the name of getting ahead. it's a cool 70 degree night with the slightest breeze and everything just feels perfect. fall is unfolding beautifully, and i don't want to miss the leaves changing colors. autumn in new york is the most beautiful time of year...