champagne flutes.

Another year has come and gone. On this, the final day of the year 2011, I have nothing more to say than THANK YOU. Thank you for lessons learned, good times shared, love given, love taken, and a sweet camaraderie which has lead me to believe we are all in this together. Because of this unity, I am fearless. Fearless because I've had you to lean on. Because of you, I knew i had someone to laugh with, cry, dance, cook, eat, talk and drink with and above all, enjoy the hardships and joys this year dealt us. Isn't it because of those hardships that we grew closer and wiser? This year won't be remembered in material possessions or money for me. It won't even be remembered by career ventures or any jobs we've had. No, this year will be remembered for moments we shared. For moments that forced me to grow up. Moments that brought me immeasurable happiness, if only for one night. And most likely, I shared those moments with YOU. So I thank you, I love you and I pray for our continued friendship and eternal happiness, come good or bad times, because this life, much like this year, is far too short.

Peace, happiness and love- cheers to all this & more in 2012!

You only want whats real you just never found it,Don't give them no more chances, ooh girl they had their turn,Everything for a reason, there's things you had to learn from themBut when I get you to myself....
All those other men were practice.

my corn maze shoot.

shoots & ladders.

SO work has officially begun on my very first photo shoot. i am working with a talented fashion photographer (and fellow FIT alumn) on some portfolio shots and i am beyond excited. after connecting with her and reaching out to our networks for clothes, models, shoes, jewelry (check out the super fun pieces we'll be borrowing from here) etc., we are hoping to shoot our first "whimsical, romantic fall" shoot by next weekend. its such good experience to be gained- im slowly beginning to realize i do actually have a team here and its great to be able to reach out to them. i have friends who work for big fashion houses, i have models i've interviewed for FINT which i can reach out to, and now i can add a photographer to my growing network, just as she can add me to her network as a stylist. its amazing what becoming involved in a project can do for you- suddenly i am reinforced. i am not just an aspiring writer- i write. i am not an aspiring stylist- i style. and sure, it might not be for a major print publication (right now..) but im still building key skills and actively working in a field i am so passionate about. i love it. fire is burning once again! photos TK (which is magazine short-hand for "to come")...

valley of the deep plateaus

there is something about running that puts this little voice on megaphone blast in your head. you can suddenly hear so clearly "stop, you can't do this anymore. you're gonna die! no seriously, stop. just stop right here, give up." and somehow when you keep pushing past that voice, you CAN achieve what you and that little voice in your head thought was impossible. every time i hit the track, i'm reminded of what i need to push past in my daily life. i'm reminded that that little voice lives in me all the time and i need to ignore it....because in the end, it's worth it. i can always come out on top if i try hard enough. i need to try harder. so i've decided to stop this vicious cycle of self pity and confused-ness. a list of positive things for me to remember follows.

1. i DO love my dreams.
2. i AM willing to work hard to make them a reality.
3. i DESERVE good things.
4. i also deserve to be LOVED by GOOD people.
5. i am TOTALLY capable of achieving my goals. each. and. every. last. one.
6. i am BEAUTIFUL.
7. again, i am FULL of BEAUTY.
8. i have a GREAT smile that deserves to be shared every day.
9. im really good at making friends. REALLY good.
10. when i feel alone, my FRIENDS are there for me. i can always count on them.
11. i am STRONG.
12. i will get everything i want....IN DUE TIME.
13. there IS a man out there who will fill that really huge small void i feel.
14. i am GREAT at making people laugh.
15. i have pretty nails. and that DOES count.

more is less.

growth.

inevitable, just as change. growth and change- hand in hand- totally inevitable. the worst part is, sometimes you're not ready to grow and change. is there any way to stop it? no. it comes when you least expect it and can alter your world and how you perceive it. i've experienced growth over the last couple of months and, try as i might, i can no longer silence the voice that has come of it. this voice that was born a low murmur and grew to a storming rage inside me...it's saying "i need change." it's making me question everything in my life- as much as i used to blindly love it all. my passion was here in new york city, as a struggling fashion journalist. my life was electric and the source of electricity was always the new york city streets. the subways, the taxis, the millions of commuters, the skyscrapers, the hudson river, the east river, central park, the empire state building all lit up at night, the brooklyn bridge, soho, the all white studios with brick exposure where photo shoots and runways were set, the garment district, the furs in the winter, FIT, chelsea piers. NOTHING made me happier than taking in a deep breath, especially now in the fall, and taking in with it a little bit of this city. up until now, this source of inspiration and motiviation was the only thing that got my gears going and made me feel ALIVE. but, as i opened this post, nothing ever stays the same. we grow, into and out of things...sadly, i feel my growth may be affecting the unshakable love i once had for this city.

i guess you could say, after 6 years of eating, breathing and being all about nyc and fashion, the flame has grown dim. perhaps because the short term goal i had set for myself has yet to be met and my patience has been tested for too long. maybe because i still feel no sense of "permanence" here, even though i have a home. because i dont have family, a relationship or a permanent career- and can truly say i want all three equally at this point- i have began questioning how much longer i'm willing to put in time and work in this city. needless to say, i've fought with feelings of wanting to explore new career opportunities and cities to live in, but...could it be i've finally reached a breaking point? and if so, does that make me weak? does it make it sad. i ask myself not what others will think of me, but what i will think of myself. what will the me in the future think of the me who is sitting here today, lonely and mildly, hopelessly, clueless? will i look back in 5 or 10 years and think...why did i give up? i had so much more to do...

its funny how life works. we are here for an indefinite number of years, and yet we feel such a great desire to BE and DO and ACHIEVE a life of such great worth in that short period of time. i almost wonder- how much does a career matter if you're not happy? how much would i be willing to sacrifice for a taste of a permanent career in fashion magazines? would i be willing to give up love? a family? a permanent home? i guess i'm starting to feel a pull back home. for the first time in years, i miss california. i miss my roots and almost want to return to them. is it because im afraid of failing here? is it because im tired? is it because im just hitting a plateau and low on fuel? do i need to create a new inspiration board and remind myself of why im here? or am i ACTUALLY ready to move on? was this the experience i wanted and am i satisfied with moving on to try something new?

my family has taught me to fight hard for what i want. i always have. but i feel like what i want has suddenly changed....is it time to fight for something new?

let them fall.

i'm not sure why, but the last few days have been so big for me, i can't help but feel like i'm choking. i feel like i need to let out a good cry, like i need to feel the tears roll down...to the point where i can taste their bitter saltiness on my lips. fortunately, it's not because i'm sad, per se. unfortunately, i just can't let them out. as much as i give myself permission to, the tears won't fall down. the feeling is a mix of happiness, fear, anxiety, excitement, anticipation (did i say fear?)...it's like the culmination of everything i've wanted out of life. its almost like the feeling of hearing the ticks on your steady, super slow ascent when you're strapped into a massive rollercoaster. palms sweaty, scared out of your mind, excited, but knowing inside after this first freefall the rest is gonna be great. in the back of mind you're scared to peek down, but you do. DAMN this is high up! you're thinking, "this is a joke right? why is this taking so long?? what's on the other side of this?? what if i fall out?! i can't take it anymore, the wait is killing me!" the opportunities i've recently been given simultaneously scare and excite me. i can't help but wonder, could this be it? could i be ready for what i've been asking God and the universe for all along? and the scarier thought, what if i'm not? i feel so high, it's like i can almost touch the stars...i just don't want to fall from here.

good grilling.

its crazy the way things work. one week you never knew a person existed, and the next you could never imagine not having them in your life. the people i have been so fortunate to meet while living in NYC have truly been sent to my life with distinct purpose. the new friends i make are, seemingly, picked up one step ahead of the next big change in my life. its as though God sprinkles these people in my life just as i begin to need them...without my knowing it, of course. so when i happened to meet Mad, merely a few weeks ago, i had no idea where our new friendship would lead. friends here, you see, can be as shallow as "bar hopping pals," to as deep as "museum goers/silent film watchers." you just never know. this happened to be a friendship i just didn't know i needed. a week after we met, she joined me as i went through my first melt-down over a permanent decision. you know me, never into permanent anything. "change is good, i love change, can't stick to anything" and yet, she was with me as i got my first tattoo. you could say it was the significant bonding moment every relationship has at some point. every real relationship, anyways. at some point, i fall in love with my girlfriends...sometimes after a few hours, a few dates, a few months or even, a few years....but inevitably, there comes a point where- if they really prove to be a special friend- i fall in love. and as we sat on my patio with a delicious meal, too much cheese, and a couple bottles of wine, talking about everything that matters to a 24 and 25 year old, i couldn't help but think this was one of those special people i was simply meant to come across at this point in my life.

so even though the dating and falling in love hasn't happened with men in my life, im thankful that at least it has with the relationships that matter- my friendships.

what 23 taught me.

the people who really matter will always stick around. even when you try to ignore them.

when you feel like you have nothing, try thinking of what it is you really need at that specific moment. chances are, you don't need it at all.

when you wake up and start by thanking God for the basics, your day only goes up from there.

$20 target shoes can last you three summers if you treat them with love. and people will still ask where you got them.

be thankful for good health, it can change so quickly and take a long time to regain...if ever.

the universe really does give back what you put out.

being positive isn't the cure to all of life's problems- but being negative doesn't cure anything either and it hurts you more than anyone else.

life is precious, we should remember it and act accordingly.

when you don't feel like going out, but someone invites you, you should make every effort to go. you never know who you'll run into and what will come of that encounter.

always wear nice clothes and smile. people notice.

when love is real, it hits you out of no where and doesn't let go. real love cannot, and should not, be ignored.

embrace and nurture the relationships that are good in your life. they are few and incredibly worthy investments because they return more than money can ever buy.

cut off the bad relationships.

cutting off bad relationships doesn't have to be literal, it can mean removing the value that person once had in your life.

when it hurts to think, listen to good music.

sometimes a second opinion isn't needed.

the more people you share your problems with, the more confused you'll end up. speak to few, and select them carefully.

a little paint can make a house a home.

share good books with good friends. and find a way to share all good things you come across with others.

do whatever scares you more often and it won't anymore.

give compliments freely- but mean them- especially to strangers. its the one thing guaranteed to make someone happy.

if you only focus on your problems, you drown. if you focus on others' problems, you drown. just keep swimming. the solutions will find you.

wear sunscreen

nothing is EVER permanent. change is all you can count on, and if you want it to be positive you must change your perspective and adapt to whatever comes your way.

fold the laundry and put it away as soon as you get home- or it will sit in a corner all week.

always get a manicure before an interview or date.

when its REALLY scary, do it. it's always worth it in the long run.

really good running shoes are a better investment than a gym membership.

sit up straight when you're at work.

when you put too much information about your life on facebook, friends don't feel the need to call and see whats new.

if you want phone calls, pick up your phone and dial. people can't read your mind.

frozen blueberries and greek yogurt are fantastic.

forgiveness, as hard as it may be, is always the first step toward healing. you have to give it to whoever hurt you as well as yourself.

put the lighter fluid on the charcoal and let it sit for five minutes BEFORE lighting it.

your weight will go up and down. your money comes and goes. jobs are never guaranteed. people you love hurt you. none of that matters. no matter HOW MUCH it feels like it does- the biggest blessing we have, is the ability to adapt and move forward.

eat breakfast every day.

silence the noise around you and take time to clear the clutter. whether it means turning off your phone or deactivating your social networks online. when you can be still amidst the chaos in your life, you hear important instructions you'd otherwise miss.

never question how others think of you or feel about you, all that matters is how you feel about them.

priorities don't end with your to-do list. you must always maintain focus on your life's priorities and fit people and situations into your life accordingly.

anger is useless. but sometimes, you have to allow yourself the time to feel the rage, contain it, and put out the fire. when this is the case, don't rush the process.

never apologize for your honest feelings.

your parents are only human, and they make very big mistakes too. you're no longer oblivious to them.

meditation before bed keeps your mind fine-tuned. when you focus your thoughts on what matters and what you want most in your life, your ability to open up and receive these things multiplies.

when you feel like your problems are too much to bear, help someone else out with theirs for a while.

taste new foods, meet new people, do new things, visit new places...preferably, on your own. make yourself vulnerable to everything the world has to offer.

enjoy being penniless. make use of your creativity and understand that....money...will....come.

ask friends for help when you really need it, you never know what they're willing to do for you.

eat a real dinner before going out to drink.

call men out and question their intentions. you have nothing to lose if they walk away, at least you were clear.

have many, many friends. friends for different occasions, shallow friends, deep friends, if you can relate in any way- keep them around. but have only few close friends to depend on.

there is no such thing as the right thing, only the right thing for you in this moment.

if you get a tattoo, think it over for at least six months.

put 100% of your energy and love into EVERYTHING you do.

cook special meals for your friends.

call your parents and tell your family you love them often.

send a card to an old friend every now and then. it feels good.

a bad job is never worth suffering through.

love as many people as you can, with as much of your heart as you can. life is too short to hate anyone.

try, fail, try again and fail better. its all you can do.

love the success, but love the failure equally because its what brings you to your next (even greater) success. it's what shapes you and makes you greater than you were before you suffered through it.

carry personal business cards with you- they are always impressive.

dance and sing when you're home alone if the mood strikes. nothing gives you a greater release.

appreciate the bad things that happen to you and learn something from it.

be kind to yourself. feed yourself well, exercise, get enough sleep, and most importantly, remind yourself of your strengths. we find it so easy to be loving toward our friends while being our own worst enemy. when you can't remember whats so great about you, turn to someone you know, trust and love.

give your job 100% of your attention, and treat your position (as low as it may be) as though it's the most important.

don't complain. make the most of situations. do your part to make life easier for others, and they'll likely do the same for you.

take care of sick friends.

put your phone away and give the people you're with all of your attention...nothing matters more than living in the present moment.

stop thinking about what others have done to hurt or hinder you.

pursue happiness. in everything, in every possible way, just find your happiness. and when you find it, even in something small, share it.

work hard. maintain as many professional relationships as possible.

live abundantly. as though you have more than you need, no matter how little you have. somehow, you'll always have enough to share.

and again, for extra emphasis, dress well.

keep growing, and when you realize others aren't growing with you, accept that they were with you when you needed them to be in your life.

there is always some divine reason for why things come together and fall apart in your life. don't worry about the reason if you don't understand it that moment. you will.

FOR ALL THE THINGS I'VE DONE WRONG, I FORGIVE MYSELF AND MOVE ON.

three little birds on the 6.

my phone died around 1 this afternoon...after a long night playing in the city with my ex roommate, a late morning, and a bacon egg and cheese bagel brunch. aaaaaah shit, i cried. (really, its not an exaggeration, it always feels like misery when i have to ride the subway without music...all the crap you hear, and dont, is enough to annoy anyone) as i sat on the 6, and trekked down from the UES, a couple of jamaican men hopped on. happy as can be, with their dreads, two fold up chairs, a guitar and two drums, "good afternoon new york! we hope you're having a happy day! how is everybody? hey we wanna share some happiness with everyone!" they start playing Bob Marley's Three Little Birds and i couldnt help but sigh a big I LOVE YOU new york city. it couldn't have come at a better moment, it just MADE my day the way few things can. as they sang "every little thing gonna be alright" i could feel my soul becoming free and a huge smile bubbling up on my face. as i walked out of that train ride, i hummed up the stairs and all the way home that sweet song that put me right back in my high spirits. suddenly, it didn't matter so much that someone i trusted recently hurt me, that my weekend was over, that i had a splitting headache or - even - that i had ridden the whole way home without my beloved ipod.

a bitter thank you.

i hate that i was so honest.
but i love that i can trust so deeply.
i hate that you couldn't be honest.
but i love that i realized it.
i hate that you didn't love me back.
but i love that somewhere in the world theres a man who will.
i hate that you played games with countless women, including me.
but i love that now that i've chosen to, i can stop the game.
i hate that we didn't turn out the way i wished.
but i love that i know now, for sure, we can't be.
i hated that we were so far apart.
but i've never stopped loving my life and what IM about.


"goodbye my almost lover....should've known you'd bring me heartache. almost lovers always do."

meditating makes it happen.

most people have heard "you get back what you put out," the Laws of Attraction or some variation of the simple truth that the universe directly relates to the energies and thoughts you pour out to it. another name for it, karma. Buddhists and Yogis practice deep thoughts and meditation to rid the noise from their minds and believe the world surrenders itself to the silent mind and recently, i decided to take that theory and put it to test. take all theories about the universe and our thoughts and the relation between the two and just test the hell out of them. enter: the meditation zone. upon beginning a SH book by the title of "meeting your half orange," (yes, i actually decided to start reading it) I quickly decided many of the tips for optimism in dating were easily applicable to careers and other areas of your life. so being the ever-optimistic person i am, i decided to take the theories i was reading about and apply them, not only to dating, but to my career as well. then i took it a step further by pulling out a blank journal and making a very real decision to fill out a page with a diagram of sorts detailing the major areas of my life i wanted to see change in. i wrote words and sentences to describe the things i most want in my life and for the last 3 weeks or so, have been forcing myself to take 3-5 minutes every night before bed to just look at this diagram and envision myself living a life full of these thoughts. a financially free life, a happy life with a fabulous fashion editorial career, a fulfilling relationship etc. really, im focusing on this with all my might, because, per my book, when you're car shopping and decide you want a prius and consequently begin to see priuses everywhere, its not because there are more of them. its because of the power of focus. when you are that focused on something you want, your mind subconsciously opens up to see things it may have otherwise missed.

case in point, i am feeling more and more convinced that this is being proven in my life. thursday was the last day i meditated (as in, before this weekend). friday the earthquake and tsunami hit japan. monday, as i was getting dressed for work and listening to GMA and their segment on coverage of japan's latest news, i felt moved. "man, i need to do something," i thought to myself. continued along my day and while reading the New York Times online clicked on a photo journal of japan from friday up until that very moment...it left me devastated and incredibly moved. "man, i need to do something," the voice grew louder. by the time i got home, i had managed to scribble down a few ideas in a small notebook i carry in my purse to research further. ideas i had had during the day of charity events i might be able to pull off. by that night i had reached out to my networks and plotted a Bowling event to raise funds for disaster relief and had been in touch with the organization i felt i wanted to contribute to. today i filled out the terms & agreements, and am awaiting the finalization of our venue. it was as if my mind drew lines at laser speeds from dot to dot and connected everything with incredible ease. wow! i thought to myself, this is incredible how things are working out! to be honest, i was impressed with how quickly i designed a solution to my problem of wanting to do something for japanese victims.

last night, i fell asleep with a huge grin on my face, after sharing the day's work with my proud mother. "you see, you can do anything you put your mind to. im so proud of you!" she patted my back from 3,000 miles away. i felt good knowing i had taken a baby step forward in my efforts to help. i was feeling so good in fact, that i forgot to meditate. tonight i opened my journal to the page with my diagram and as i began to meditate on each thought, i ran across these sentences I had written 3 weeks ago:

"contribution to something bigger. i want to be a part of something that means a lot to me. i want to give back to people who need help."

coincidence? could it actually be chalked up to coincidence? because the way my mind was able to clearly connect the dots, so to speak, hardly seemed coincidental. its hard for me to stand in the toiletries aisle at the drug store and pick out a toothpaste, and yet i devised a plan to help people in need? these are things i was consciously meditating on every night for weeks before the disaster occurred, and with my mind as sharply focused as it was, i just can't say this had nothing to do with it. i wanted this to be a part of my life and, before i even realized it, i was prepared to accept it when it came around.

home of that boy biggie.

BROOKLYN. my new home. finally made the move today, and as exciting as it always is to me when i face something new...its also hard to stop feeling a little melancholy. its not easy to uproot yourself after making a little safe haven for yourself called "home." however, its change that keeps me challenged and i do love facing a challenge. sure, i might only be two stops outside of manhattan on the L train, but it feels like miles and miles and miles away to me. its like a whole new world over here- a residential one i havent ever been subjected to since moving to new york 6 years ago. my familiar routines are all off now, and i have an entirely new and different neighborhood to get to know. as i lay in my bed, which, just this morning was still in my upper east side apartment, i feel like a little puppy in a new home. a little scared, a little anxious, and very excited. who knows whats to come. stay tuned for my BK adventures.

help me, self-help.

as i curl into bed, showered and lotioned up, i'm ready to reach for a book and wind down. sadly, or strangely, all four books i'm simultaneously reading have one thing in common: they belong in the SELF-HELP section at Borders. okay, so one quarter doesnt; one of them is a biography of none other than ms. wintour, but the rest really classify as "i'm lame idk how to live my life" books. oddly, doesnt bother me one bit! i spent sunday afternoon with a good friend of mine and as we discussed our current life situations, men (boys i should say), work, friends, etc, i remembered a quote from one of my "SH" books and recited it to her. half from memory, half from the excerpt i had actually taken the time to type into my iphone notepad. "wow" she said, "can you send that to me?" of course, i went on to rave about the fabulous SH book i had copped from work and we got into the topic of my reading choices. HEY, i figure, IM READING. its a positive step. well it turns out, im not alone. she hands me a book, "here- you should have this." what was the book she handed me? "Meeting Your Half-Orange." or as it translates from the originally spanish phrase "tu media naranja." as the title states "an utterly upbeat guide to using dating optimism to find your perfect match." really? i thought. but, simultaneously, i excitedly took it from her. YAY, another book to teach me what i dont already know! pathetic. but i love it. time to indulge in some self help. because, really, dont we all want to help ourselves?

"Before you speak, listen. Before you spend, earn. Before you criticize, wait. Before leaving, try."

my baby.

i've missed you. between a day job, a side job, seeking a part-time job, and apartment hunting...time has been scarce. the side job being this amazing fashion project to which i feel incredibly tied to. please check it out! it's amazing how much creativity it has sparked from me already. i work hand in hand with the founder of both the online retailer (FINT) and the actual blog and boy has it been a great chance experience running into such an individual in the midst of such a crazy little island. i'm so ready for the opportunities, that i bump into them at Borders while getting a copy of SuperRich signed by Mr. Simmons.

anyways, big news. i'm moving out of my beloved (1 year old as of Feb 1) apartment on the UES - thats upper east side for the Cali folk - and seeking a new pad to call home. currently on the market, another UES room, a brooklyn room, possibly a midtown room...and thats just with the friends i know of so far. lets not even touch on craigslist because with prices being so high, i might just end up with a stranger in harlem. keeping the eyes peeled for a great apartment to move into is like a full time job in and of itself, but like i always have to stop and tell myself "one step at a time." i have a problem with trying to solve an entire jigsaw puzzle 50 pieces at a time instead of focusing on a corner to start with.

the second (part-time) job is still a hunt as well. yesterday after filling out a few applications, on foot, in the times square area i realized it might be even harder than i thought. its competition here and who, tell me WHO, in Manhattan isn't looking for a hostessing gig on the side to make ends meet? my only solace? perhaps knowing im not alone. (if i had to look at the bright side, we're all broke here)

so what is bringing me comfort at night even though i have nothing set in concrete and (pretty much all) aspects of my lfie are in a tizzy? (you can tell i work at Parents magazine...tizzy?) gratitude. because gratitude limits neediness. when you're thankful for what you have, it limits what you need. tonight i have a home, i have a job, i have food, i have clothes, i have my health, and far away but still ever so present, i have family. what's more, i have passion for everything i'm doing right now. passion for my writing, (hello i scored a SWEET interview with a fashion industry professional AND my first editorial pitch for a 1,000 article in PRINT) passion for the opportunities i know are around the corner and passion for living here. in this stupid, expensive ass, amazing, beautiful city. as long as i wake up every day, i'm happy. because the things i don't like about life, i can change...slowly but surely it's all changing.

because i spent so much of January incredibly sick, i've made a habit of turning off my alarm clock and meditating every morning for just a minute and a half before i even get out of bed and let my feet touch the floor. my meditational thoughts, in order, "thank you jesus for waking me up, thank you that i have a job to go to this morning, thank you for my health and family, please keep me safe and help me remember all the things i have to be thankful for today."

S S S & M M M

complicated. easy.

im beyond words obsessed with three things right now. the biebs. twitter. and LOUD, princess riri's latest album. i love the majority of the tracks, especially S&M...but theres a ballad i really love too titled complicated. please, indulge in a snippet of the lyrics:

Sometimes I catch you
Sometimes you get away
Sometimes I read you
Other times I'm like where are you on the page?
Sometimes I feel like we will be together forever
But you're so complicated
My heart knows better

Why is everything with you so complicated?

love the song, hate the message. weak. ling. newsflash...he's not complicated, YOU are. if you still feel like you cant figure him out, then sweety, move on. relationships are not meant to be "figured out" romantic or plutonic. they should just be. it is one lesson i think i'm finally getting...take my situation into account. ive had the above scenario play out for a couple of years now with the same guy. finally, i've learned to let go of my expectations, stop questioning what we are, and accept the friendship for what it is.

i expect very little from all my friends, we all do. a call once in a while, a text here and there. so why is it that we hold love interests to do the impossible then? keep up with all areas of our lives, text or call once a day... impossible. if you're not his equal love interest, it's not gonna happen. therefore, i've let him drift into the "distant, but good friend" category and now my life is back in line. i dont worry about complications with him or any other guy anymore, because my wires are not crossed. im not waiting on a phone call or text for confirmation that he likes me...i know he does, but i know how he does too. like any. other. friend.

confidence ladies, put people in the category in which they belong in your life and suddenly things wont be so complicated anymore. its like spring cleaning for your MIND. declutter that bitch, we all know she has a tendency to get crazy otherwise. so toss out the old friends way in the back you havent utilized - you know the fashion rule, if you havent worn it in 6 months its OUT- put the friends you know you cant count on in the "know you cant count on them, but still great for a night out" category etc, etc. i think theres something to be appreciated about most, if not all, the people we choose to make friends with.

did i really just make an analogy of organizing friends in your mind the way you would clothes and items in a closet? aaah. i've OD'd on organizing our beauty closet. does someone need to become an organizational guru and love counselor? bright future ahead...

check out my fashion collaboration. FINT-NY.

FINT: Fashion In Nucleus Territory. Check out my latest post!

been a little streppy.

AAAAAH. ive neglected my blog. on monday i had a fashion event to attend that consumed most of my day and by tuesday around 11pm i had what was the beginning of an ear infection. by wednesday night i had a 102 fever and it continued for about 27 hours. ive been locked in my house trying to get better since wed night and ive done nothing but sleep, sip broth & liquids, and veg out on the couch watching bad tv. today i visited the walk in clinic for the second time, turns out i have strep throat on top of my ear infection, and was finally prescribed penicillin...its kicking in. thank. god.

now that i'm feeling a little better...more to come!

xx

2011.

a pre nye party shot. one of only about 3 pics of me all night. can't say things held up so well by the time we stumbled across our 2AM snack...a lamb gyro at the best stand in the city. my cousin ate his...and mine. the next day, swore he didnt eat lamb. ah..love it :)

naked and brilliant.

ms. portman in all her nude glory. seriously, can we get a more gorgeous face? photos of her new campaign for miss dior cherie were out today and as i tweeted earlier in the day: obsessed. she looks beyond flawless. dior + portman. now that is a match.com.

shmatch.com.

the commercial for popular dating website, match.com, makes me queasy. "1 in 5 relationships now begin online." i really hope that's a load of shit fake stat. how is this possible? better yet, is this the future trend for dating? will i be forced to join a local dating site to find a potential mate down the line? what happened to running into a cute guy at the corner coffee spot, spilling your drink on him and laughing nervously as you exchange numbers? sometimes i wish we could rewind just a little and get back to life pre-internet. (i know, it sounds lame) honestly, what ever happened to relating with people in real life. true, i re-activated my personal Facebook account so i could remain in touch with friends after giving myself a separation period of 3+ months...but sometimes i wish i could go back to having to communicate with someone via land line. remember when we had answering machines...and actually used them to receive messages we had missed? i remember being excited to talk to a crush on the phone. i remember being excited to get a call from my friend asking me if i wanted to go for a bike ride to the corner store for ice cream. am i getting too old for technology? or am i just not ready to expose myself to the dating world on yet another platform?

dear mr. simmons.

today as i scrolled through my twitter feed on lunch break i read you were going to be signing copies of your book at Borders, next to MSG. i was beyond excited, i ran - not walked- to the subway as soon as 5:30 hit and i was free from work. i spent half the money i currently have cash on your book, stood patiently in a line that coiled around shelves and shelves of books for an hour, and met you. i didn't want to take a picture, i didnt want to post a status about meeting you, i only wanted the opportunity to thank you in person. i thanked you for reminding me to count my blessings and "get to giving" every day via twitter. why did i spend the little bit of precious money and time i have to do this? sometimes a girl struggling to make it in a dream city like NYC needs to feed her mind and soul more than her physical body. your book will do just that for me.

dinner + daddy.

as i was flipping my quesadilla tonite and tossing together a quick salad my music stopped playing and the familiar iPhone ringer started playing on my dock. daddy. man has it been forever (or felt like it) since i got a call from my dad. he's not a neglectful father, he's just been out of the country for weeks with my mom & brother on holiday (read: jealous). it felt so good to eat dinner while having a conversation with my daddy. i think few girls have the kind of relationship i have with my dad, and for those who dont, what a sad loss. after hearing all the funny things that are happening with my family, and sharing all the great news about my new job, i let my dad finish cooking dinner so i could get ready for bed. "goodnight mija, i love you and i'll talk to you tomorrow" he said. those words, to me, mean as much as "you won the lottery."

Bee. You. Tee. Fied.

after a day of throwing myself at organizing what is BC (our Beauty Closet), i got to come home to an evening of complete and total relaxation. lucky for me, i'll be working simultaneously on the tablet, goodyblog and beauty. first task was to figure out how to make sence of BC's chaos. and what do i love better than an unorganized space?....NOTHING. ah, it was glorious. aside from the fact that i was excited beyond belief when i squeezed into the cluttered closet, getting to steal a few products for myself just topped it off. (read: i didn't actually steal, i was offered to take whatever i need or want) blow-dryers, hair products galore, straighteners, curlers, lotions, make-up...all the girly things i go gaga for at my fingertips. i even got a single serve blender...saweet. perfect for a girl in a tiny NYC apt, seeing as i keep sweaters in my cupboards. soooo i walked home with three bags of goodies. i couldn't help myself, i got klepto. anyways after a little dinner, i began what became a great, pampering, beautifying, friday night in. i played with my make-up, took a hot shower, tried out masks (hair and face), brand new shampoos/conditioners/mousses...the works. im not ashamed to say sometimes i have more fun clipping my nails, pumicing my feet, moisturizing my body and watching the Wedding Planner on TBS with a mask on my face while conditioning my hands and feet with special lotion and gloves & booties on. OMG. laaalaalaaah. heavenly. ladies, make time to pamper- stay in, take off the heels and watch some bad tv. yes, on a friday night. i smell and feel like all kinds of good right now...YUM ME.

lace. nude. boy boots.

my three current obsessions as i wander into any H&M or Zara in the city. LACE. think cher in clueless, the lacey/sheer l/s collar button down with the cami underneath while munching on carrots & fighting with josh. renewed. as if the 90s trends weren't bad enough the first time around, long socks (mid-thigh) and lace tops are back. aaah love the lace. NUDE. lets just say, i found a nude, lace, l/s long top...sold! BOY BOOTS. aka, hiking boots, rugged boots, tough bitch boots, call them what you want. i love the idea of feminine/masculine (why i borrow all of my roommate's clothes...big boy cardigans, yum) pieces coming together in one ensemble. H&M once again has GREAT booties, albeit, they need some roughing up to have a more vintage/lived in/im-not-trying feel, for a great price. throwing those babies on with a cute skirt or dress, chic tights, and some socks. ok, sometimes i actually like winter. layers + booties, yes please.

new year, new habits.

habit: an acquired behavior pattern regularly followed until it has become almost involuntary.



i read today that it takes exactly 21 consecutive days of doing something to turn it into a habit. is it just me or does that seem like a long time? you're devoting almost a 12th of your year to developing a new habit...but i'm willing to try it. i refuse to use the word "resolution" this month- but habits, those seem tried-and-true enough to last through the years. first habit i'd like to develop: daily blogging. (HA) i really will try to make this thing habitual. another habit: less soda intake. its unreal to say ill stop drinking pepsi, but i think a habit of choosing water or juice (low in sugar)...(preferably water)...is somewhat doable. i seriously dont want to drink soda anymore and when i brought this idea up to an unencouraging cousin, he said he gives it one week till i have a can of pepsi in my face. guess what? half way through the week bitches. anyways, just got me thinking- "habits" have such negative connotations, but i feel like with the right attitude, you can make 2011 habits be positive. my thoughts are, the habits i've had in the past (especially bad ones) seem to develop like second nature...i dont even think about doing it. thats exactly how i want the positives to appear in my life- like i dont even have to think about it. so instead of setting goals i'll inevitably fall short of, this year i choose to develop lasting habits. fingers crossed. lets start with two.