let them fall.

i'm not sure why, but the last few days have been so big for me, i can't help but feel like i'm choking. i feel like i need to let out a good cry, like i need to feel the tears roll down...to the point where i can taste their bitter saltiness on my lips. fortunately, it's not because i'm sad, per se. unfortunately, i just can't let them out. as much as i give myself permission to, the tears won't fall down. the feeling is a mix of happiness, fear, anxiety, excitement, anticipation (did i say fear?)...it's like the culmination of everything i've wanted out of life. its almost like the feeling of hearing the ticks on your steady, super slow ascent when you're strapped into a massive rollercoaster. palms sweaty, scared out of your mind, excited, but knowing inside after this first freefall the rest is gonna be great. in the back of mind you're scared to peek down, but you do. DAMN this is high up! you're thinking, "this is a joke right? why is this taking so long?? what's on the other side of this?? what if i fall out?! i can't take it anymore, the wait is killing me!" the opportunities i've recently been given simultaneously scare and excite me. i can't help but wonder, could this be it? could i be ready for what i've been asking God and the universe for all along? and the scarier thought, what if i'm not? i feel so high, it's like i can almost touch the stars...i just don't want to fall from here.